Bob O’Leary

Jewelry stores have a new tactic to drum up sales in these tough times: guilt.

And the guilt is focused on us men. The ads tell us that we must buy sparkling jewels for our women or face the consequences.

The first ad from Helzberg Diamonds. In the ad, a guy gives his girlfriend’s Yorkie a bath. When the girlfriend asks why he’s not watching sports with his friends, he insists “It’s just a game.”

Because we’re not “that guy,” we need to give our women diamonds. Helzberg has other ads with men making handmade love cards, giving their women pedicures, and trying to make the rest of the male population feel inadequate.

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Of course, I would like to see “that guy” give his girlfriend’s cat a bath.

That guy is tame compared to this viral video from JCPenney – “In the Doghouse.” This one comes across like a fire-and-brimstone sermon. We men are “held over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider.” We’re scum, and our only salvation is buying baubles.

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I agree that a thigh master makes a lousy gift, but my wife asked for a vacuum cleaner for Christmas – seriously. I’m getting her something else. It may not be jewelry, but I won’t be folding laundry.