Bob O'Leary

I Remember Mom

obob — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 05:33:05 +0000

My mother died early Sunday morning. She was in her own bed at home with seven of her eight children and two grandchildren with her when she passed peacefully at the age of 81.
I’m hurting, and I already miss her. She was a wonderful mother and a faithful Christian woman. Somebody should notify the pope to start the canonization process.
And I do really appreciate all the sympathy that everyone has given me. But I’m doing okay. Yes, it hurts, but I really can’t say that I’m devastated. My mom’s at peace now. My dad passed nine weeks ago, and she is back with the love of her life. I always knew that with my parents, when one left, the other would follow shortly. Her death was not a surprise.
I always thought that of the two of them, my mom would be the first to go. She cheated death so many times while my dad kept in pretty good health. She was such a small woman, but she endured giving birth to eight children, a hysterectomy, 10 years of kidney dialysis, an esophageal ulcer, a kidney transplant, and several vein grafts.
Several years ago when I first moved away from home, I called my mother to see how she was. I can’t remember what I asked her to look at, but she said she had a hard time seeing it.
“Well, I just had cataract surgery and I have a patch over my eye,” she said. “I just got out of the hospital.”
“Mom! “ I said. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to have surgery?”
“Oh, it was nothing! I’ve had 16 surgeries, and this was the easiest one I ever had!”
Of course, my mom would make light of her own health problems. Mothers tend to shield their children from their own hurts. And women who have a large number of children seem to develop a high tolerance for pain. My mother-in-law had six children, and she shrugs off her ailments too.
But my mom was the toughest person I ever met. Navy SEALS were wimps compared to her. At times, my mom reminded me of the Black Knight in Monty Python’s Holy Grail, who insisted that having his arms cut off was “just a flesh wound!”
But my mother’s toughness was the whip-yer-tail type. And she wasn’t always so tough. She worried like all mothers and stressed whether she was doing enough. But with each child she bore and pain she endured, she came to accept what life dealt her.
Mom had a charm bracelet with eight gold baby booties for each of us. Those baby shoes might as well have been Purple Hearts.
When her kidneys started giving out, Mom stoically endured both her pain and never feared dying. In the early part of her dialysis, she had shunts coming out of her arm. They were plastic tubes with clips on the end.
As we were fixing dinner one night in the kitchen, one of my brothers asked what the clips were for.
“Oh, that’s in case the shunts come loose and I start bleeding all over the floor,” she stated so matter-of-factly. “Without them, I would bleed to death.”
We were aghast, but she was calm, almost cheerful.
Another time, I awoke to find an ambulance in our front yard. Paramedics were taking my mom to the hospital. Fluid was building up in her lungs, and she almost drowned in them.
“I thought I was a goner,” she told me a few days later in the same cheerful tone that she used to describe bleeding all over the kitchen floor.
My mom’s faith and stoicism carried me through my hurts. Unlike her, I screamed and cried at every hurt, no matter how insignificant. During my teenage years, I became so depressed that I was near a nervous breakdown. In the middle of an argument with my mom, I broke down and screamed “I am nothing!”
But my mom stopped arguing. She told me that she loved me. Then she confided that at one time, she had postpartum depression so bad that she thought of leaving Dad. But she fought through it and endured. She said she would help me through mine.
I started therapy. It took me many more years to get out of it, and I still fight depression to this day. But I am beating it, thanks to Mom.
When we were growing up, Mom always said her age was 29. She kept saying that until she turned 70. She didn’t expect to live to be 70, so she ‘fessed up. We had a big party for her to celebrate, invited her old friends, and made a nice scrapbook filled with pictures of her life and letters from those who loved her.
Eventually though, time caught up with Mom. Her brother died, then her mother passed. During the last few years, she started complaining about her aches and pains.
Mom held herself together. Then Dad’s heart started failing in the past year. She stayed strong as his health deteriorated. You see, my dad was an engineer who set his watch ahead 15 minutes. He always had to be early while my mom struggled to get to places on time. He had to go first.
With Dad gone and almost all her grandchildren grown up, there was no one she needed to take care of anymore. Her work was done.
Maybe this hasn’t hit me yet. I’m sure there will be times when I expect Mom to be there and she won’t be. It’s going to hurt.
But I can’t help but feel a sense of pride knowing that she fought the good fight, keeping the Grim Reaper at bay all these years, ignoring her pain to enjoy all that life offered.
Way to go Mom! I will miss you.

Rick Scott and the Stupid Tailor

obob — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 04:26:27 +0000

Here is a letter I wrote to Florida Governor Rick Scott:

Dear Mr. Scott,

When you successfully ran as governor, you said you were a businessman, not a politician.

I have a little business experience, but I have never studied business in school. I have no MBA or any other business degrees or certifications. Economics was not my best subject.

But one business principle I did learn in all my years of working in retail business is this: If a customer has made a buying decision and is ready to spend money your way, lead him directly to the cash register. Do not try to change his mind by trying to upgrade him into a more expensive item or questioning his purchase.

You only need to say one of three sentences to that customer:

“I’ll see if it is in stock.”
“Will that be cash, charge, or credit?”
“Thank you for your business!”

In your decision to end High Speed Rail, you violated this principle. The Federal Government was going to give you money to build a rail line in one of Florida’s most populous and fastest-growing regions. You ignored almost two decades of work by leaders of both parties. You turned down money from someone else that would provide badly needed jobs to this state. While you said it would be too expensive, you did not even take the time to consult with rail vendors to find out what the cost would be or even do a feasibility study.

Imagine a tailor who just started at a well-established and respected shop. His boss comes in after seeing a longtime customer come out of a competitor’s store.

“Didn’t Mr. Smith come by our place?” the boss asked. “He’s shopped here for years!”

“Yes he did, but I told him we couldn’t help him,” the tailor said. “I don’t think we can afford to do business with him.”

“What?” the boss asked incredulously. “Don’t you think you should check with me first before you turn a customer away?”

“First of all, he’s too fat!” the tailor said. “He weighs close to 500 pounds. There is no way he can afford a suit from us. We don’t even have enough material for him! If we did, it would cost us too much!”

“Did you check with our suppliers first to negotiate a bulk rate on the material? They said they could help us out on special purchases.”

“No.”

“Did you sit down and quote him a price?”

“No, but I know it would be more than he can afford. I’ve heard he’s spent too much around town.”

“Did you bother to check his credit? He’s always paid our account with us.”

“I just knew it would be too much trouble. I suggested he come back and see us when he loses weight. We don’t want fat old customers like him ruining our image!”

“Our image has been making fat old customers like him look good!” the boss said. “That’s how we have made money all these years!”

Do you really think that tailor would stay employed long? If I were his boss, he would be out the door immediately.

The tailor’s actions do not make good business sense. Neither does your decision. Your actions show a lack of salesmanship and total disregard for the work so many people have put into this project. If this is the way you do business, people should take their business elsewhere.

Now, if only we can show you the door.

More Thoughts on the Shooting in Arizona

obob — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 05:06:01 +0000

People want to talk about how the vitriolic rhetoric contributed to the shooting that left Judge John Roll and five others dead and U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords critically wounded. Some liberal blogs blamed Sarah Palin and others in the Tea Party.

I agree we need to be more civil, but the shooting was not the work of the Tea Party. The shooter, Jared Lee Loughner, posted plenty of anti-government rants, but none were anti-Semitic (Giffords was Jewish), pro-gun rights, or even against Obama. In fact, had Giffords been a tea partier and birther, she still might have been in Loughner’s crosshairs.

But one fact is apparent – Jared Lee Loughner is a mentally unbalanced man. His YouTube rant makes little sense. His classmates at Pima Community College were scared of him, sitting next to the door in case he snapped. He was suspended from class , not allowed back until he underwent a mental health evaluation.

Eventually, the focus of discussion of the shooting is going to be on mental illness. Online psychologists say Loughner is probably paranoid schizophrenic, but no one can diagnose him from a distance. And even if he was truly paranoid schizophrenic, that alone does not make him dangerous. People with schizophrenia are no more likely to be dangerously violent than anyone else.

But Loughner was not just weird and fearful; he was downright scary. So, the question remains – was Loughner ever evaluated? The warning signs were there, but did anybody try to get this man any help? Could anyone get him any help?

And if the help was there, it is doubtful that Loughner would take the help voluntarily. He thought the Army, the Government, and Pima Community College were out to get him. Imagine how he would feel about psychiatrists.

If we’re going to discuss the politics behind the shooting, let’s discuss the politics of mental health. There is no part of government that needs more reform than our current public policy on mental health. Years ago, we threw the mentally ill in jail. Reformers came, and we established sanitariums. When those were deemed too cruel and expensive, we closed the. But we never replaced them with anything useful.

So where do we put the seriously mentally ill now? In jails! The three largest mental health institutions in the United States are New York’s Riker’s Island, Chicago’s Cook Island Jail, and the Los Angeles County Jail. None of the three are known for their compassionate care, although they do get care. Many more are homeless and receive no treatment at all.

Another problem is that we no longer commit people unless they are “an imminent danger to themselves or others.” In other words, before he shot of the Safeway, Loughner could not be forced into treatment. He made no direct threats to anyone. With 31 rounds into 20 innocent people, he can be committed now.

Some states, including New York, California, and Florida, have laws that allow less stringent standards for involuntary outpatient treatment. These laws resulted from tragedies similar to the one in Arizona. Many do not, despite proof that the laws help.

But even with those laws, the treatment is inadequate. Public mental health is poorly funded. Once the committed are stable, they are released. And when they are released, they discontinue treatment and relapse.

Part of the reason governments don’t fund mental illness treatment properly is the stigma behind mental illness. Tell someone you have cancer, and that person will give you compassion. Tell someone you’re seriously mentally ill, and you are treated as if you are contagious.

Because of that stigma, the privacy laws regarding mental illness are stringent to the point of doing more harm than good. If you want to find out the condition of a family member who is in the hospital with a heart attack or even hemorrhoid surgery, the doctor can fill you in on the relative’s condition. But ask about an adult relative who is being treated with a mental illness, and the doctor cannot talk to you. Unless the patient signs a release, the doctor cannot even acknowledge that the relative is a patient.

Tea partiers may complain about the ACHA (aka Obamacare), but mental illness requires government-backed health programs. Many private insurance plans limit the amount of mental health treatments to between 8 and 12 a year, but some patients need to see their therapists more than once a month.

The most effective treatment for mental illnesses are drug therapy, but drug policies often prevent the right drug getting to the patient. Take for example two anti-depressants, Prozac and Zoloft, and two patients suffering from depression. Two drugs are similar, and the patients are about the same age, sex, and body type. They have the same symptoms. Prozac may work for first patient, but Zoloft doesn’t. The second patient responds to Zoloft, but Prozac does nothing for the patient. Suppose the second patient’s insurance allows only Prozac? The patient must pay out of pocket for Zoloft, a drug that can cost hundreds of dollars a month.

Yes, treating mental illness is expensive, and the ones who need treatment the most cannot afford it. But if governments do not treat mental illness, it becomes more costly. Effective community treatment reduces the amount of time spent institutionalizing the patient, whether the institution is a jail or a hospital.

But right now, governments are cutting back on mental health along with other public services. When help is most needed, most agencies have to figure out a way to keep the same treatment with less resources. It’s getting worse.

We need to change our public policy to allow more assertive treatment for mental illness and properly fund programs. We also need to change our attitudes about mental illness, removing the stigma involved. Some of the changes require more government, but this is one time we need government to act. Other changes only involve our attitudes and don’t cost anything.

If we don’t change, we will have more incidents like those in Tuscon, at Virginia Tech, and other places.

Healthcare and my so-called colonoscopy

obob — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:32:47 +0000

With all the talk about healthcare, let me share my recent experience.

For the record, I am 49, unemployed, and a Type 2 diabetic. Since my last employer did not carry health insurance, I had to buy the Blue Cross/Blue Shield plan offered through Cover Florida. It was my only option, since private health insurance companies are not lining up to offer policies to 49-year-old diabetics.

Lately, I have been having pains in my abdomen, along with other symptoms that should not be discussed in public. I saw my regular doctor, who referred me to a specialist. The gastroenterologist recommended a colonoscopy to see what was causing the pain. He charged me $200 for the consultation. My insurance only covered $50 of the cost of the visit.

For those unfamiliar with a colonoscopy procedure, it involves sticking a tube through your anal sphincter and up the Hershey highway. As uncomfortable as that sounds, it is relatively painless. You are conveniently knocked out while you are violated with medical equipment.

Seriously, a colonoscopy can save your life. It is the most effective test for colo-rectal cancer. If there are polyps found, the doctor can remove them during the procedure. Also, a colonoscopy is normally done on an outpatient basis, so you don’t have to stay overnight in a hospital.

The worst part of a colonoscopy is the preparation. The day before the procedure, your digestive system must be cleaned out. You can only consume clear liquids and laxatives. No solid foods, and don’t stray to far away from your bathroom. You will literally have a shitty day.

Since I was surprised by the amount for the consult, I asked the doctor’s office how much the colonoscopy would cost out-of-pocket. The $200 for the office visit set me back, and I needed to make arrangements to get the money.

After a few phone calls to the doctor’s office and the hospital where the procedure would be performed, I got my answer: $700 for the doctor, and $3000 for the hospital. My insurance has a $3000 deductible, meaning it could not help with any of the expenses. It was like I got the colonoscopy without the ansthesia!

I cancelled my appointment. There is no way I could afford it. The pain in my stomach remains. I will wait until I have the means to pay for the colonoscopy then reschedule.

If I lived in a so-called “socialist” country such as Great Britain, Canada, Japan, or France, I would probably have to wait awhile for the procedure too. Government-run medicine does have waiting lists. But it would not cost me the money that it costs in the good ol’ capitalist USA. My wait time might not be as long as it is here.

A partial solution to the problem lies in Congress right now. It will not solve my problem, but it will alleviate it some. Yet, I hear a lot of crazy stories about what this healthcare will do – raise taxes astronomically, deny old people and disabled children care, and replace our doctors with government bureaucrats – and none of this is true. Healthcare is already rationed by private insurers. Corporate bureaucrats make decisions that doctors should make.

Worse yet, we pay twice as much as other most other countries. Because we have no cost controls, Americans literally subsidize the rest of the world’s healthcare. Don’t believe me? Check out this graph from National Geographic.

Until we a good national comprehensive healthcare package passed, all of us will be stuck with our current inefficient package. Financially, we all get colonscopies until this bill is passed. And those of us with inadequate health insurance will have some shitty days.

I’m back!

obob — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 00:40:25 +0000

Yes, I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve spent too much time on Facebook. My New Year’s Resolution is to post more often.

Magic are in the Finals!

obob — Sun, 31 May 2009 14:47:17 +0000

Yes, it really happened.

Much to the dismay of Cleveland fans, Nike, network officials, some of the refs, and many in the national media, the Orlando Magic knocked off LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers 103-90 in Game 6. Now they face the LA Lakers in the NBA Finals.

Dwight was amazing. Rashard Lewis, Hedo Turkolu, Mickeal Pietrus, and Rafer Alston kept raining in threes. Everybody played defense. King James played great, but the rest of his team failed to step up. The better team won.

Now there is more talk about how sad it is for Cleveland. How the poor fans of Cleveland have suffered since 1964. How bad things are in the “Mistake by the Lake.” How Cleveland fans worry that their superstar will leave for the bright lights of New York.

Puleeze! Orlando needs this more or as much as Cleveland does. We don’t have a 1964. We had a 1995, where we went to the Finals, only to get swept by the Houston Rockets. Instead of developing a dynasty, our superstar Shaquille O’Neal left town for LA the following year. Next came Penny’s meltdowns, Grant Hill coming on crutches, and a hockey GM.

Cleveland has the Indians, the Browns, and the Cavs. We only have the Magic. Cleveland may be ugly, cold, and feeling the recession. Orlando is definitely a better-looking town, but there are some very ugly tacky parts. And for every high-rolling fans in the stands of Amway, there are five working at minimum wage jobs in a hotel, theme park, or restaurant. Not a lot of great union jobs here!

But the biggest reason is that Orlando needs the Magic to bring it together. Most of us are transplants from other places. The Orlando is just a tourist spot or a stopover, and the home office is elsewhere. Most of us here keep our hometown allegiance.

The Magic remind people that we actually live here. We can come together to make this a home instead a layover. We can have good schools, nightspots, and culture right here.

We took care of the storied and defending champion Celtics. We overthrew King James and the Cavs. Now we need to finish Kobe and the robbing Lakers.

That would be Magical!

Play W off, Keyboard Cat!

obob — Sat, 09 May 2009 19:35:08 +0000

So, George W Bush said he didn’t torture.

He said it was to get “actionable intelligence.”

Didn’t he know that waterboarding and stress positions were against the Geneva Convention and all American laws? That the only answers you get are the ones you want to hear, not the actual truth?

Didn’t he consider that these actions will inspire more terrorism instead of making us more safe?

Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

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The Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Zero

obob — Sat, 02 May 2009 16:48:29 +0000

Another video – this one actually released very recently. I am catching up with the music world!

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New Pornographers with a twist

obob — Sat, 02 May 2009 16:23:48 +0000

Sing me Spanish Techo.

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I don’t tweet – I squawk

obob — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:04:31 +0000

Like many people, I wonder what all the fuss is about Twitter. The only value I see is that it limits posts to 140 characters. But if the point is to let everyone know what I’m doing at the present moment, let me save you the trouble.

Here’s my tweet:

I’m typing on a computer. It’s what I do for both work and play.

If I’m not typing a computer, then I am in a meeting (where I might be typing on a computer), driving, sleeping, or playing with my son. You see, I don’t have much of a life or at least one people would find interesting. Unless you are climbing a mountain, crossing a continent, or making love to a beautiful woman, I’m not interested in your life, either.

But when I do something fun and interesting, then I have something better to do with my time than type on a computer. Therefore, I don’t tweet.

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